Conflict Resolution: The Science and Strategies

Conflicts are an inevitable part of childhood. From the playground to the classroom, children are bound to encounter situations where they must navigate disagreements with their peers. While it may be tempting for parents to intervene and resolve the conflict for their child, these scenarios actually present valuable learning opportunities. By allowing children to work through conflicts themselves, parents can help them develop important skills such as emotional regulation, empathy, and problem-solving.

Development of the Brain

One key aspect to consider when discussing conflict resolution in children is the development of the brain. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for planning, impulse control, and rational thinking, takes longer to fully develop than other parts of the brain. As a result, children may struggle to control their impulses in emotionally charged situations, such as conflicts with peers.

To understand why this occurs, it is helpful to consider the role of the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing emotions. When faced with a conflict, the amygdala sends signals to the prefrontal cortex to determine the appropriate response. However, in younger children, the prefrontal cortex is not yet fully developed, which can result in impulsive actions and heightened emotions. This is why it is important for parents to provide guidance and support to their children during conflicts, helping them to learn how to manage their emotions and make decisions that are in their best interests.

Lack of Empathy and Emotional Understanding

One of the most common types of conflicts that young children encounter is related to sharing toys or other items. In these situations, children may not have fully developed the ability to understand how their actions impact others. For example, a child may take a toy from another child because they want to play with it themselves, without fully considering how the other child feels about losing their toy. This is why it is important for parents to teach their children about empathy and the impact of their actions on others.

To help children develop these skills, parents can provide guidance on how to handle conflicts with their peers. Rather than simply imposing consequences, such as time-outs, parents can help their children identify their emotions and express them in a productive way. For example, if a child takes a toy from another child, a parent can encourage them to recognise how the other child feels and work with them to come up with a solution that works for everyone involved. This approach teaches children about compromise and helps them develop the social skills needed to navigate conflicts in the future.

It Takes Time

It is important for parents to remember that conflict resolution is an ongoing process that takes time and practice. As children grow and develop, they will encounter new types of conflicts that require different skills and strategies to manage. By providing ongoing support and guidance, parents can help their children develop the skills they need to navigate these situations successfully.

In addition to helping children develop important life skills, learning how to navigate conflicts also has broader implications for their overall development. Studies have shown that children who learn how to manage conflicts effectively are more likely to be successful in school and in their future careers. They also tend to have better mental health outcomes and stronger relationships with their peers.

In summary, conflicts are a natural part of childhood and provide valuable learning opportunities for children. By teaching children about empathy, emotional regulation, and problem-solving, parents can help their children develop the skills they need to manage conflicts successfully. Over time, these skills will become increasingly important as children continue to navigate the challenges of growing up and interacting with the world around them.

Strategies

Managing conflicts between children can be challenging, but it’s important to approach the situation calmly and with a plan. In this guide, we’ll explore some effective strategies for helping children resolve conflicts in a constructive and respectful way.

Approach Calmly

First and foremost, it’s essential to approach the situation calmly. Rather than reacting impulsively or becoming agitated, take a few deep breaths and evaluate the situation. Try to observe what’s going on before intervening. When you approach the children, use a calm and inquisitive tone of voice. Instead of accusing or blaming, say things like, “There seems to be a bit of a problem here, let’s see what we can do about it” or “Do we need help sorting this problem out?”

Get Down Low

When you first approach the children, position yourself below their eyeline. By doing so, you are removing yourself as a threat and allowing the child to be open to reason. This approach is particularly effective when dealing with children who are upset or angry. By reducing stress and allowing children to use their executive functioning skills, you enable them to make rational decisions.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Acknowledging children’s feelings is an important step in conflict resolution. It’s essential to let children feel heard and respected, even when they are acting out. To do this, describe the feelings that you can see the children experiencing. By doing so, you are demonstrating that you care about their emotions and that they are important. Say things like, “Your face is telling me that you’re cross, is that how you’re feeling?” or “I can see you’re feeling upset.”

Express Your Own Feelings

Expressing your own feelings about the conflict is also an effective way to demonstrate that children are not alone in how they feel. It’s important to acknowledge that emotions are felt by everyone and that they can be challenging. For example, you might say, “I get a bit mad when someone snatches my toys too.” Then, acknowledge if your feelings change and become positive if the conflict is successfully resolved. This provides an opportunity to model appropriate behaviour for children and show that emotions are natural and can be managed effectively.

Gather Information

Once you have established a calm environment, it’s time to gather information. Ask open-ended questions to each child to get a better understanding of the situation. Ask one child at a time to avoid causing another free-for-all. Try to find out each child’s story, fairly and without judgment. Ask questions like, “Can you use your words to tell me what happened?” or “Can you tell me the story of what just happened?”

Restate the Problem

Having taken on board what each child has said, repeat it back clearly to clarify the problem and check that you have understood correctly. Make sure you try to rephrase any hurtful language. Say things like, “You both wanted to play with the car, but then you both wanted it at the same time, is that right?”

Ask for Ideas

This is where the magic happens! Children are often capable of finding reasonable solutions if given the opportunity. Suggest a discussion between the two children and ask questions like, “How could we sort this out?” or “What do you think we could do to make everyone happy?” If the children can’t agree, offer some fair solutions, such as, “Why don’t we let your friend have it for 2 minutes, and then we’ll let you have your turn?”

Follow it Up

Once a solution has been agreed upon, it’s important to follow up on it. Clarify the solutions, so the children are clear on what was agreed, and encourage them to use their words to communicate their needs. Remind them of the solutions they came up with, and congratulate them on sorting it out!